On Laugh Out Loud, you will find a collection of some of the funniest jokes available on the Internet. They have been carefully selected by myself and by site visitors such as yourself. They have been sorted into several categories for your convenience. I hope you enjoy your stay!
Beer! And Some Quotes
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. --Catherine Zandonella
Abstainer a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. --Ambrose Bierce
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? --W.C. Fields
Beauty lies in the hands of the beerholder.
Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink. --Lady Astor to Winston Churchill. His reply -- Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomaches. --David Daye
Work is the curse of the drinking classes. --Oscar Wilde
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. --Henny Youngman
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy. --Tom Waits
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
Beer is good food.
It's better to have a beer in hand than gas in tank.
Life is too short to drink cheap beer.
Beer - it's not just for breakfast anymore.
Beer - Nature's laxative.
Beer. If you can't taste it, why bother!
One more drink and I'd be under the host. --Dorothy Parker
All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow. --Dave Barry
When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer. --Postpetroleum Guzzler, Dave Barry
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer.
Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. --Dave Barry's Bad Habit's, Dave Barry
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. --Dave Barry
My problem with most althletic challenges is training. I'm lazy and find that workouts cut into my drinking time. --A Wolverine is Eating My Leg
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. --Humphrey Bogart
Friends don't let friends drink Light Beer.
If nothing beats a Bud, given the choice, I'd take nothing...
Draft beer, not people!
Adhere to Schweinheitsgebot. Don't put anything in your beer that a pig wouldn't eat. --David Geary
Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine. --David Moulton
People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot.
--Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI